One of the great joys of posting articles here, to me anyway, is the comments that are left by those who think they know better. Many of them are so funny that they are worth sharing I think. I know everyone gets them, and of course since they are anonymous there are those who feel that they can say anything they like with impunity, but I feel they deserve a wider audience, if only to let others see just how silly some of them are.
It's clear that many who leave comments do not read the articles fully, or visit the website of the writer, or even read the notes at the end of the contributions.
Now please don't be offended if you recognize something you wrote, after all, you did write it and I'm sure you will want to stand by it. I'm just poking a bit of harmless fun.
As you read on, please bear in mind that all my articles are about food and cooking, and that I am a retired head chef with nearly 40 years experience. I am also, as my biog says, an Australian.
1. From an article about Delia Smith, the English cook:
*Very nice writing style! (British of course!)
Strewth!!!
**Learn to cook
One day, perhaps (sigh).
2. From 'how to make pancakes'
*these pancakes sound a lot like crepes
That's one of my favorites - crepe is the French word for pancake
**niam niam
Your guess is as good as mine.
3. From 'vanilla sauce'
But what do you do with it? Serve it in a bowl?
Well, that would be a lot less painful than what I just thought of!
3. From 'boiled rice'
*this is decent enough :D but I can make boiled rice easier than that
You say 'abracadabra', right?
**comprehension needs revising
Your's or mine?
4. From 'Hollandaise sauce'
Also makes a nice Eggs Benedict
Now I really needed to know that! lol
5. From 'damper'
Watch the typos and sentence bits that seem to end while needing more words - into a round... a round what?
The phrase was - "shape the dough into a round." What if I'd said square or oval?
6. From 'almond cream' - another favorite:
I know this is a recipe for almond cream. But would have been better if you mentioned how to use this cream - more details.
Here's the opening paragraph: "Almond cream, poured into a store-bought pastry shell and baked until set gives you an almost instant dessert of infinite variety. You vary it by putting some sort of filling between it and the pastry. This can be fresh, frozen or stewed fruit, or even ordinary jam (jelly in the US). The result is a delicious tart that can be served either hot or cold, with or without cream, or on a fruit coulis* of some kind."
7. From 'cooking with wine'
I would like the author to mention what food to be cooked in Red wine and what in white wine.
Here's what the article actually says: "Which brings me to another very important point; it must therefore be obvious that the color of the wine is immaterial. It's all about the flavors and the quality"
8. From 'kitchen first aid'
*blah! blah!
At last, a comment I can identify with :)
**Honey is a good first aid treatment for quick healing of burns
It's actually seriously dangerous!
9. From 'refrigeration'
The term fridge, instead of refrigerator, was annoyingly too casual.
But I've got a very laid back fridge.
10. From 'hygiene'
It only takes a single bug to create illness
That's if it's six feet tall, weighs 200 pounds and is armed with a shotgun
11. From 'white eggs or brown eggs'
I understand that Casher eggs must be white Hmmm.!!!
I wrote that white eggs came from chickens with white feathers - which is true. I did not say that all birds with white feathers lay white eggs. I'm assuming a 'Casher' is a bird, by the way. The word means nothing in Oz.
12. From 'sharpening small blades'
Leave out the website plug
This was the offending line: "On my website I give a method for using a steel to keep kitchen knives razor sharp" There is no further mention of it, not even a URL
13. Tips on dealing with burnt aluminium pans:
If I burn mine, I go out and buy a new set
How the other half lives :)
14. On preventing burnt pans:
too short
Wait for the movie - it runs for 3 hours.
15. On 'garlic' (I suggested using a plastic bag to protect your hand so it doesn't get covered in garlic oil)
bit wasteful of plastic bags, why not just wash your hands?
Have you ever tried washing garlic off your hands?
16. From 'clarified butter'
So do you mean not to use in moderation because of it not breaking down easily?
I think this must be from the same bloke with the comprehension problem above :-D
17. On 'cast iron pots', after I wrote not to use detergent because it removes the oily seal:
My mother used tohave cast iron pots, and we always washed them with detergent
Well, everyone needs a little iron in their diet.
18. From 'slicing meat'; I mentioned you need a sharp, thin-bladed knife.
What kind(s) of knives in specific? Brand names? Where would we find them? Some of us are from very small towns all around the world.
And it shows!
19. From 'removing screw top lids'; I gave a never-fail way to do this.
There are several other tricks to removing a 'stuck' lid. This seems to have been written just to get something up to earn money...not a lot of useful value to be honest.
True, but I'm expecting to make a fortune out of this!
20. From 'washing rice'
I shower with my rice to save water
21. From 'undercooked boiled eggs' I mentioned that you could put an egg in a metal egg cup in the microwave.
since when is it okay to put any metal in a microwave?
Since forever, as long as it doesn't touch the sides or top of the oven.
22. From 'perfect omelet' (my recipe has no filling)
Isn't the whole point of an omelet to have filling? Otherwise it's just eggs.
A closet gourmet (s)he is not
23. On 'eat your way to a healthy diet'
*article is credited to Michael Sheridan on other web site
Now I wonder how he came to have the same name as me :0)
**Quality and Quanity make for fatness. Actually, fats and sugars make for fatness.
Of course there are more, but you will have your own. If the Dossier system is still working you can add them to those above by publishing them using the exact same title as mine; ie Comments Worth Sharing.
Might be fun, if you have the time.
